22 September 2012

Criticus - Double Dragon Neon

Whilst Samantha Fox or that poster of the female Tennis player scratching her ass were pivotal in developing my long standing affinity for the female form, Double Dragon was actually my first true love.

Set un a unnamed urban sprawl, our quiffed twin brothers punch, kick and hair grab their way through the various henchmen of the 'Black Warrior' gang to rescue their mutual love interest Marian. Setting aside that Marian has no qualms whatsoever about banging twin brothers and is a bit of a skank, this was the 80's baby and this was as good as virtual ass kickery could get.

Fast forward to 2012 and its HD remake Double Dragon Neon and all is not well with out tag team lovers.

Firstly, and most shockingly of all, you no longer get to see that white flash of Marians underwear when she's nabbed in the intro. Back then this was the nearest young Studdley had got to any action and removing this iconic scrne is downright upsetting.

Control wise our brothers have not aged well at all as signs of arthritis abound in our heroes sluggish movement. They have not really learned any new tricks either since the original outing and seem blissfully unaware of this thing called 'the internet' as co op play is local only.

You may argue that it is pretty much a visual update only and you d be right. I was hoping for a little more variety though.

In summary, I have not been this disappointed since 'The Neverending story' ended.

Avoid.

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