4 September 2012

Paying the price

Last Summer I wrote a blog entry explaining my thoughts behind leaving a well paid but highly stressful job I was struggling in to work back within my old company. In essence I took the safe option.

Granted, the last 12 months have seen me find my feet and claw my way back to the Dan of old, I have shared quality time with my daughter, who has had the luxury of a stress free, happy daddy. Jen and I married, but at the back of my mind was the feeling that this probably wouldn’t last forever.

Today, I found out in a less than appealing manner that it’s almost certain I will be out of a job after Christmas. I will be leaving many friends behind and will face an uncertain future. Stoke on Trent is not known for its vast amount of Job opportunities, and there are going to be a lot more qualified, hard working folk competing for these few jobs than ever before.

Now I am not shy of a fight, I know I have a lot to offer any potential employer, but what weighs on me the most is the feeling I have let myself, my Wife and most importantly of all my daughter down.

True she is to young to understand, but looking at her I can’t help but feel a failure. I needed to stick out that job, to provide financially for her in order to be a good father.

I don’t know what kind of reaction this blog entry may provoke from you the reader, and I admit I am writing this while feelings are still a little raw, but I always intended my blog to be open and honest if it was not to be an entertaining entry. It’s a form of helping myself to in a sense.

So, did I make the wrong call? Yes, I feel I did. I was far to weak willed to stick it out, and now's the time to pay for that lack of fight. I’d somehow managed to convince myself things would be ok, and that my hard work and previous track record would be enough to atone for my mistake of leaving the company. Unfortunately it was not.

I feel for the rest of the contractors too, they will be losing some very good people and I wish them all the best should the likely happen.

Regarding my situation, I won’t go looking for blame, it lies with me

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